The Non-Beer-Drinker’s Guide to Drinking Beer
I wrote about my tips for beer-ginners, and also got my buddy, real life beer writer and expert Ethan Fixell, to chime in with his professional tips on Man Repeller for National Beer Day.
I wrote about my tips for beer-ginners, and also got my buddy, real life beer writer and expert Ethan Fixell, to chime in with his professional tips on Man Repeller for National Beer Day.
On Saturday, an Uber dropped me off in front of a crowd outside Paramount Studios, which I assumed to be the line to Bacon Fest, but alas, it was PETA Protesters.
As an ex-Vegetarian, I get it 110%. But as a human that was trying to enjoy Bacon Fest in a responsible "I'm mostly drinking here/only buy organic meat" way, it was a huge bummer. Like best tip in the world: Do not get dropped off into a group of protesters on your way to a pork festival cause it will 110% harsh your mellow. They weren't even being aggressive, which made it worse. I mean, better for their cause 110% (this post will now have "110%" added to the title) because when they whispered, "Just think about what you're doing" I REALLY DID THINK ABOUT IT.
And then went and ate a bunch of bacon because 95% of the vendors were locally sourced pork.
And felt bad.
But totally didn't because I ate a bunch of Weetos (not the cereal, BTW) and drank a bunch of PINEAPPLE ALE.
PINEAPPLE ALE. YES. THAT IS A REAL THING. BASICALLY HEAVENLY VACATION CLOUDS WRUNG THEMSELVES OUT OVER MY GLASS AND I DRANK THAT SHIT NINE TIMES OVER. BECAUSE IT WAS DELICIOUS HEAVEN VACATION JUICE. AND THERE IS NOTHING I LOVE MORE THAN WINE THAN A VACATION. SO VACATION JUICE IS VALUED IN THESE PARTS.
Ace Ciders' Pineapple Cider is the first of its kind, and one of the best things I've ever tasted.
Lindemans Raspberry Framboise Lambic
Price: $9
Region: Belgium
Retailer: Trader Joe's
Many people went back to school today.
And I am not one of those people.
But I did get back to working on pilots.
Much like starting a new school year, starting a new pilot is one of my most favorite, and also least favorite, times of the year. This is when I hole myself up for seven months and agonize over filling up this fresh corkboard full of notecards describing great storylines and hiiiiillllaaaarious jokes and put them together in a generally entertaining fashion via Final Draft and then run it past my agents and have them rip it apart and then go back and fill the board back up with new notecards and rewrite a bunch of shit and rewrite a bunch of shit and rewrite a bunch of shit until it's pilot season and then we're all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
Lindemans Raspberry Framboise Lambic is a great thing for me to drink during this time of the year for the following reasons:
1. It is delicious.
2. It is 2.5% alcohol so I can't really get drunk on it while working.
3. It is a beer so it fills me up and stops me from stress eating everything in the house while I pace around trying to make some obscure joke about The Klopeks work.
4. It is delicious.
Alright. Time to write the next great workplace comedy since my irreverent twenty-something comedy was too "referencey" and my anti-hero mortgage broker comedy "read more like a play". ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tasting Notes: Like Sweet Tarts. That's it. It's a bottle of Sweet Tarts.
Ross Test: Let's just say I've Ross Tested basically the whole bottle and it's not even just because I'm a monster, it is also because it is very easy to do.
I'm Marissa A. Ross.
I write and drink wine.
I have no qualifications to write about drinking wine,
aside from the fact that
I do it all the time.
“Can I just be Marissa, please? I want to be hilarious and sexy and smart and insanely knowledgeable about wine.”
—Mindy Kaling, New York Times bestselling author of Why Not Me?
“Funny as hell … Wine. All The Time. breaks down one of the most exclusive-seeming concepts and industries of our time, making it more approachable and inviting in anyone who cares to participate.”
—Leandra Medine, founder of Man Repeller
“For ‘beginners,’ [Wine. All the Time. is] a fun start to the insanely beautiful and rewarding world of natural wine. For ‘mediums’ (like me) it's a great refresher and enlightener. For ‘experts’ it will remind you about what wine should be: freaking fun times! No boring bourgeois sleeper chapters … super funny and inspiring and very important to the impending food and wine revolution!”
—Eric Wareheim, actor, comedian and creator of Tim & Eric Awesome Show
“Well written, engaging, and crazy funny.”
—Michael Cruse, Cruse Wine Co. and SF Chronicle's Winemaker of the Year 2016
Not all drunk emails are from your ex! You can get them from me too!