“‘Controversial’ wine columnist Marissa A. Ross unexpectedly died last night at local pizzeria, Cosa Buona. While it is unclear whether the writer was physically crushed by a Jeroboam of Partida Creus, or virtually drown her own insides in the Vinel-Lo, sources close to Ross say this is how she would have wanted to go. ‘She always quoted that Kendrick song ya know, always saying she would die for this shit,’ her husband, Ben, told Channel Seven. Ross, just shy of 32, was most known for chugging from the bottle, cussing too much, and ‘The Watcher’ Instastory videos. She is survived by her husband, sister, dogs, and that cat no one knows she has.”
