Valentine's Day. A lot of people hate it, and I gotta say to those people: you're missing the point. You're of course right that this shit is trite as fuck and it doesn't matter, but who cares! It's a wonderful excuse to drink lots of wine with your loved ones, whoever that may be. Could be your signif'other or it could be your childhood best friend or it could be your mom or your cat or a Lush bath bomb. Doesn't matter. What matters is what always matters with holidays: WINE.
Take a date with one of these reds, and you'll be feeling the love in no time.
Evolution Red
Price: $15
Region: Oregon
This would be a great wine to share with a date, for a couple of reasons.
Let's start with the label. On the back, it has this funny infographic timeline that starts at "Amoeba Multiply" and covers historical moments like "T-Bone Perfected" and "Aliens Land And Build Pyramids", and finally ends in the era the call "Pretty Much Now" with a moment called "Pour. Sip. Evolve. Repeat." That alone is a great conversation starter. If the History Channel has taught me anything, it is that people have a lot of opinions on Aliens building pyramids.
Another great conversation starter: the legs. This wine has legs for days, which is always a nice segue to talk about your legs, or their legs, or someone's legs, and hopefully then you can talk about butts or tits or whatever you like that is stacked upon a human's legs. And then just bone down right there. JK. Actually, JK about JK cause that sounds like it could be a super hot.
ANYWAY, ok, if you don't get caught up in legs and hot sex, you could pair this wine with some really fun date dishes you could cook together. It's a really smooth Syrah blend that is bold up front and softly subsides into a lovely warm finish. Build some pizzas, grill some steaks, take a crack at your Grandmother's bolognese and fuck it up and just laugh and have more of that hot sex I was mentioning.
On the other hand, I am alone drinking this right now, and I've never felt less alone. I've got Getz/Gilberto playing and I feel so warm and fuzzy and full of love. Open this bottle and eat some BBQ any day of the god damn week cause you need to love yourself all year.
Tasting Notes: Big cherries, cinnamon and tobacco
Ross Test: Surprisingly great. Usually things that good in a glass suck at chugging but, delicious!
La Lunotte Les P'tites Vignes
Price: $20
Region: France
Year: 2013
This is my bath wine. I light my fancy candle (you know, the one you never light except to impress dinner party guests), put on some jazz, vigorously pour/throw bath salts like champagne in a 90's rap video, and serve this Gamay chilled. To myself. I serve it to myself. And I'm like, "Oh, thank you! You're so kind! I can't believe you're sharing this with meee!"
It's such a pretty feminine color, but don't let that fool you. This ain't no L'Oreal Riche. It's a really bright, light, funky, and fun little number. It's Sex In The City in a glass, which is a tired comparison I'm incredibly embarrassed to be using, but I just started watching the show, so please just let me have this this one time.
Right off the bat, it's totally a Carrie with it's very fashion-forward funk. But then it has Miranda's restraint. And then it finishes soft like Charlotte's smile. But the whole time you're like AHHH I COULD FUCK THIS WINE! Cause it's a Samantha at heart.
Anyway, so this is the part of the post where I just go kill myself for that paragraph I just wrote.
Eh. Changed my mind. Not sure if there's wine in the afterlife.
Tasting Notes: Funky but balanced. Manure on the nose, and roses and pepper on the palate. But not at all overpowering. Very drinkable, and a new house staple for me.
Ross Test: Good, but a little much.
Stolpman Vineyards Rosé
Price: $17
Region: California
Year: 2014
This wine is like a date that you thought was going to go badly, but ends up being awesome. You're like, "Wow, really glad I stuck around despite thinking he has been wearing the same cologne since 8th grade!"
If you couldn't tell, I am not a huge fan of this bouquet. It comes on sweet, the one thing that immediately puts me off with wine and men.
Not that I thought my now boyfriend of nearly six years was wearing some CVS cologne when I met him, but he was sweet to me. He wasn't even annoyingly sweet, he was just "sweet" as in "how someone who respects another human and probably wants to put their dick inside them" kind of sweet. Like, good sweet. Really good, great, amazing, perfect sweet.
But to me, a legit kind of damaged human who was super into dudes who were super not into her cause hey, Dad stuff probably, I was like, "What is this? What do I do with this? I think I like this dude? Like a lot. But he's sweet I don't like sweet dudes why is he so sweet to me uhhhh I should probably keep seeing him cause I'm just not used to it and I think dudes are supposed to be sweet to ladies? And I'm a lady? OK maybe sweet is actually pretty cool, and has a super sharp witty side and isn't a weird softy that is obsessed with me and wants to hand-make me cards or marry me tomorrow, oh right cause the problem this whole time was me, this is actually just awesome."
The point is, you should give things a chance. Because despite a sweet bouquet, there's a good chance that there is a compelling and refreshing palate there that you are destined to hang out with forever.
Tasting Notes: I'm mostly impressed by the minerality of this wine, because from that sweet nose, you're really not expecting it. And I love it. So yes, a wonderful minerality, plus crisp floral notes and a subtle hugging finish.
Ross Test: Enjoyable, and encouraged!
SIDE BAR:
Guys... gals, people, homies, readers! I'm sorry my natural inclination is to say "guys", but! The point is! Don't let Valentine's Day define you. YOU DEFINE VALENTINE'S DAY. It's a day that some random-ass human one day was like, "Oh this is a thing now", and now it's a thing; a weird mostly corporate bullshit thing that was super fun in second grade when everyone was required to give Valentines to the entire class. But what that thing is in your life now, is entirely up to you. So make it the best it can be. Make it an excuse to have a really fun day, no matter how you do it. Every day, whether it be a Hallmark holiday or not, is a day for you. And an opportunity for you to live your life just as you'd like to.
Hopefully with wine.
